Getting to 'I Do' by Pat Allen

Author:Pat Allen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

EIGHT WEEKS AGAIN

I must emphasize that this is a critical time, when one incorrect action on your part can extend your painful bond to the wrong man. So it is imperative that you understand what is happening during this process.

As I have said, it takes approximately eight weeks for a man to process a decision. For four weeks, he can usually function at least superficially, dating, working, and living. At first his left-lobed logic says, “Who needs her? I’ll decide how things go between us. No woman controls me!”

If he is in love with you, and not just using you for sex, but didn’t “know” he was in love, somewhere around six to eight weeks he will miss you so badly he may call and ask to be “friends.”

Don’t do it! This rekindles your oxytocin bonding. Don’t listen to his voice on his telephone message recorder or on yours. Change the voice on your recording. Have someone else do your message so he can’t get a voice fix off you and be able to stay away longer. Don’t taste, touch, smell, see, or hear him, or you will lose that tension-building separation anxiety. Let the rubber band stretch and stretch.

Don’t call him for any reason. If you are as patient as Job, you can control your impulsive need to reconnect before eight weeks. If you call him, you lose and he wins. Sex is all you get. And you learn to hate each other.

But if you don’t call, as his right lobe feels the pain he will realize why he hurts. He misses you. No one else can replace you. He must have another chance to be with you, which will lead him to call you and admit that he is in love with you and wants a commitment.

However, if he does not call in eight weeks, it’s over. Start duty-dating, dress up, get out, and read self-help books, get on with your life as a single woman. If you have had a long-term relationship, it might take as long as two years to get over him, so don’t sit around. A new love will take you away from him.

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